Be Careful What You Pray For. . .

They told him, "Lord, come and see." Then Jesus wept. John 11:34b-35

     It has been said, and with good reason, be careful what you pray for because you just might get it. We have read over and over in our First 15 where Jesus promised that God does, indeed, hear our prayers and answer them. If ever I needed proof that this promise is true – and I don’t because I have vast personal experience – these past few weeks have been a very vivid and emotional reminder of their authenticity. If you have read very many of my previous entries, you know that I have been praying that God would open up my eyes and allow me to see others the way He sees them. I feel this will allow me to understand them and love them in a way I will never be able to through the limits of my own vision. Little did I know when I prayed this prayer just exactly where this journey would lead.  

     As you can already read between the lines and guess, God has answered my prayer, and I have, indeed, been seeing the people around me in deeper way – through His eyes of compassion. This has been a huge learning experience for me on so many levels. First, I was not ready for all the intense feelings I would experience. The waves of deep emotions that have engulfed me have left me drained and exhausted. My first reaction, of course, was to close my eyes to the pain and needs. This would help ease my grief and confusion and hopefully stop the spiritual warfare that had begun waging in my heart, but it would do nothing for the lost and hurting people I encountered everywhere I turned. Second, I have never felt so lost, alone, and completely inadequate. The needs were simply too massive for me to comprehend much less alleviate.

     During this time I found myself continually drawn to the story of Lazarus. Perhaps it was partly because Jesus experienced such a wide range of emotions in this passage. I believe it also had a lot to do with the truths found within these verses. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve read this story in the past couple of weeks, but the messages I’ve learned from it have been life-changing.

     First, I learned emotions are okay. Jesus experienced the full gamut during Lazarus’ death and resurrection. With all the emotions I had wrestling in my heart, I knew it was important that I pay close attention to how He dealt with His. First, He didn’t avoid His emotions, but met them head on in a controlled manner, not allowing what He was feeling to drive His actions. When He was frustrated, He didn’t lash out. When He was sad, He didn’t become so despondent He couldn’t fulfill God’s plan. Next, He didn’t keep His focus on His own reactions but on the situation around Him. Last, and probably most importantly, He took the situation to God in prayer. The result was life-changing for everyone involved! Lazarus was raised from the dead. The people witnessed an amazing miracle that pointed them to God. And God received great honor and praise.

     If closing my eyes was my first instinct, buckling under the weight of the emotional strain was my second reaction. After studying the story of Lazarus, however, I realized God was not calling me to “fix” everything. He was calling me to do what Jesus did when He became overwhelmed with grief - pray and trust God – so pray and trust I did. That was Sunday. Monday morning two women walked into my classroom and shared the most amazing news – news that sent a shiver down my spine and raised goose bumps on my arms. Their church has started a ministry in the area where I teach. They tirelessly reach out to these inner city families in a multitude of ways, and now they are starting a new ministry. This one will directly focus on the families I work with every day – the very people who I had been crying for, who I had been frustrated for, who I had been hurting for. I was speechless. I felt like I had just seen Lazarus rise and walk out of his tomb. What an awesome God we serve! He knows our needs. He knows our thoughts. He knows our future and has a plan. May I never see the world the same way again.

God, thank you for breaking my heart. It has not been a pleasant or easy journey, but the lessons I have learned have been life-changing and valuable. Please keep my eyes and my heart open to see the world as You do. Help me to always remember that feeling emotions is not a bad thing, but that I have to give them to You, deal with them as You would, and let the Holy Spirit guide me rather than my feelings. I praise You, Father. You are an awesome and wonderful God. Thank your for your love. Thank you for your provision. Thank you for your mercy and grace. May I always remember that You see the pain, You know the needs, and You have a plan. May I always remember to turn to You and trust You – even when I don’t understand  - especially when I don't understand - what is going on around me. May all honor and glory and praise be Yours forevermore, Amen. Amen.  Amen.