No Negotiations Necessary!

I got to thinking about something a bit extreme this week.  My Life Connection Class (Sunday School) is studying Galatians, and it was kind of easy to want to rush through Galatians 3 and think “Ok, Paul.  We got it in Galatians 2. We know you’re upset. Let’s move on.” But I found it was worthwhile to spend some time meditating on

Suppose you were standing by the Grand Canyon, and the man next to you leaned too far over the rail and fell in.   There he is hanging onto the rail for dear life, and you reach down and offer him a hand up.  You are the only thing standing between him and certain death, and all he has to do is reach up and take your hand. But he won’t do it!  He wants to talk about it first! 

“You know I’m not a really nice person.  Are you sure you want to do this?”  You assure him that it is ok.  “Well, if I take your hand, what do you want from me?”  You try to explain that you don’t want him to do anything except take your hand.  Finally, he believes you, takes your hand, and soon he is standing on safe ground beside you again.  He asks what he owes you, and you explain he doesn’t owe you anything.  You just want him to go and tell everybody he meets what you did for him .  But instead of going out and sharing this amazing story, he follows you around, trying everything he can think of to somehow DO something that will be great enough to make him worthy of your actions.  How frustrated would you be?  How sad would that make you?  How ungrateful does this “friend” appear to be?

Now there is no doubt that Paul is upset in this passage.   I get it, but can you imagine how God feels every time we cheapen – yes, I said cheapen, devalue, malign, soil – the amazing sacrifice His Son made on the cross to pay the price for our sin by trying to be “good enough” to “deserve” something done with so much genuine love?  How do you put a value on something so priceless?  All we’ve got to do is reach out and accept it. There is absolutely nothing that is going to make us puny, little sinners worthy of that sacrifice.  He did it because He loves us that much!  The things we do for Him after that should be done to show Him how much we love Him – not out of a sense of duty but out of a strong desire to lovingly worship and obey.  They are not items to check off some kind of Master List Guide for the Super Christian.

I recently heard a friend say she had been trying to “be good” but she was just too “bad” to be able to do it.  Well, of course she is!  We all are!  The question we have to ask ourselves is this: are we willing to reach up, take His outstretched hand and accept His salvation or are we going to dangle precariously over eternal “death” and negotiate with God for no reason?  It should be a no brainer! 

Break My Plans ... Still

Wednesday morning I posted an entry about praying that God would break my plans. 

Break my plans; shape my heart.
Take my will to where you are.
Move my mind through you Word.
Till all that I am lives to love you, Lord.

Within mere minutes a severe thunderstorm ripped through the metro area and left damage in its wake. Trees were knocked over onto houses and cars. Electricity was out in various parts of the city. There were even some families mourning the loss of loved ones.

By late that afternoon I sat mortified, eyes glued to the television as I watched a monstrous mile wide tornado form and travel to within ¼ of a mile of where my youngest daughter hid in a basement on the University of Alabama’s campus. When it was gone hundreds of people had lost their lives. Homes and businesses were destroyed. Lives had been changed forever. I am eternally thankful that God protected my daughter and her boyfriend. They are safe and their homes are intact.

Three days later I received a call from my dad that he was rushing my mom to the emergency room.

When I posted my prayer for God to break my plans, none of this had been in MY plan. No, I had planned on going to professional development Wednesday. That never happened. In fact, I drove for 2 ½ hours and only made it about 7 miles from my house, turned around and went back home. I had planned on going to work on Thursday and Friday. That didn’t happen either. I had planned on becoming a grandmother. I had planned on going out to eat with a group from school. My daughter and her boyfriend had planned on taking finals. Instead they were helping with relief efforts.

I could go on. Now, I know what you are asking. Would I take back my prayer? Absolutely not! For to do so would be to imply that all of this happened because I prayed that prayer and to imply that would be to insinuate that God sent those tornadoes to test my faith. God didn’t send those tornadoes. He allowed them, but He didn’t send them. All good things come from Him, and there was nothing about those tornadoes. He didn’t make my mother hurt badly enough to need to go to the hospital, either.

I’ve been studying what it truly means to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might, and with all your strength.” I am discovering it means loving Him with every facet of my being. I must have an intimate relationship with Him where I put Him first and foremost. I will manifest that love in my actions. Everything I do – no matter who I am dealing with or what situation I am in – I will handle it in a way that emulates His love. And to do this I have to put my plans and desires aside and be open and flexible to go where He has me to go when He needs me to be there and do what He instructs me to do. I’m not going to get an itinerary. He isn’t going to sit me down and explain the next ten years to me and give me a play by play look ahead. Part of loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength is being willing to be flexible; be willing to change gears when He asks me to, having such an intimate relationship with Him that if the changes in my day take me down the path of a trial, I trust Him so explicitly I take His hand and let Him lead me, no questions asked.

So the answer is yes. I still pray that prayer – even though there is massive destruction all around me, even though my mom is still in the hospital, and even though I don’t know what tomorrow (or even today) brings.

Break my plans; shape my heart.

Take my will to where you are.

Move my mind through your Word.

Till all that I am lives to love you, Lord.

Break My Plans; Shape My Heart

Wow! What a magnificent Easter service we had at Valleydale Sunday morning! Personally, I had never heard of the singing group This Hope before, but I am extremely thankful that I know about them now. It was evident from the very start they didn’t come to entertain us; they came to bring us a message. That message has reverberated through my mind all week.
This Hope has a music video you must see! You can google “Break My Plans by This Hope” or Stephen and I actually have a copy of it. It is powerful stuff. In the meantime, here are the lyrics to the chorus – read them closely.
Break my plans; shape my heart.
Take my will to where you are.
Move my mind through your Word.
Till all that I am lives to love you, Lord.
I have been haunted by this song the past couple of days as I have taken the lyrics apart and examined them along side various aspects of my own life. I am nothing if not helpless planner. Having a plan IS a good thing; however, I have a tendency to get carried away. I want to know what the next 10 or 20 years hold. AND I’m audacious enough to think I get to decide the game plan. Age and experience – and a lot of falling flat on my face – have taught me I really don’t want to rely on my own wisdom to make my plans because, left to my own devices, I’m not that good at it! God, however, sees the big picture and knows how to put this whole crazy “puzzle” together.
Having faith to put your future in God’s hands is one thing, but this prayer is life-changing on so many levels! Some of us are at a crossroads right now. Do we have the courage to pray this prayer? Many of us have kids who are making decisions about where to go to college or what to do after graduation. It is such a confusing and frustrating phase of life! Do we have the courage to pray this prayer for them? But really, when you stop and truly think about it, is it really courage we need or faith – for all we are doing is laying our will in the hands of the One who loves us (or our kids) above all else. Shouldn’t it be a no-brainer? In theory it should be, but, Lord, I need you to “take my plans, shape my heart. Take my will to where you are. Move my mind through your Word till all that I am lives to love you, Lord.”

Didn't I Tell You?

Jesus responded, "Didn't I tell you that you would see God's glory if you believed?"     John 11: 40

     I was 5 when my little sister was born.  And I was 6 when she died.  Kandi Ann Perky was born on May 20, 1966 with cancer and died nine long, excruciating months later.  I was so young I don’t remember – or didn’t understand – a great deal of what was going on, but what I do remember is vivid.  I remember climbing the tree at my dad’s Aunt Lorena’s farm where my little brother and I stayed while our parents took Kandi to Oklahoma City for tests, surgeries, and treatments.  From there we could see for miles across the flat, Oklahoma Panhandle countryside.  We would stand vigil in that tree watching and waiting for our parents to come home.  I will never forget the day they came home without my baby sister.  I will also never forget sitting at her funeral staring at the funny little bed at the front of the church and wondering why Kandi was sleeping way up there.  I kept watching and waiting for her to wake up and start crying so mom could go up and get her and everything would be alright again.  But she didn’t wake up. . . and she didn’t cry . . . and we didn’t take her home.  I was an adult before I really understood, and therefore was able to deal with, everything that happened during Kandi’s short life and subsequent death.

     I was 42 when the same beloved brother who kept vigil with me in the tree all those years ago contracted a horrendous disease from a kidney/pancreas transplant and spent the next 11 months fighting a brutal battle that took his life at 38 years of age.  I was much older and much better equipped to understand what was going on in a lot of ways – but in a lot of ways I still felt like that 5 year old, waiting for the nightmare to end and life to return to “normal”.  I sat at Kevin’s funeral and had flashbacks of sitting at Kandi’s 35 years earlier.  I knew it was not feasible, but, oh how wonderful if he could just sit up, whole and well again, and walk out of the church and go home to raise his young family as he had so desperately wanted to do!

     Suffice it to say I truly can relate to Mary and Martha.  I think we all can.  Don’t think I haven’t spent my fair share of prayers railing on God, asking Him why He couldn’t heal my siblings – why my parents have had to go through the pain of losing not one but two of their children when no parent should have to experience that at all.  This is the stage Mary and Martha were experiencing when Jesus arrived after their brother Lazarus had died and they had buried him.

“Where have you been, Jesus?”  they said.  “If you had been here, Lazarus wouldn’t have died!  Why weren’t you here when we needed you?  Don’t you care?”  Now I’ve taken a little literary license here, of course, but isn’t that how our conversations go at times like these?  But if you’ve read the verses before these, you know that Jesus very much knew what was going on and deliberately waited until THAT time to arrive.  Why?  Because He had a plan.  He tried to tell Martha about it, but she was too caught up in her own grief and pain to understand what He was telling her.  He promised her that her brother would rise again.  She misunderstood and went about her grieving.  I’m afraid my first reaction to this is a little judgmental, but I have to keep in mind I have the benefit of knowing the rest of the story.  After all, if someone had sat down beside me at Kevin’s funeral and said, “Watch!  Your brother is going to get up out of that coffin in just a minute and be whole again!” I would have thought they were crazy!  As much as I believe in God’s power and as much as I wanted it to be true, I would never have expected that it really was going to happen.  I can also very much understand Jesus’ frustration that her human little mind could not wrap itself around the concept of what He really was trying to tell her.  When she questioned His actions (and don’t we all do that today?), His response was, “Didn’t I tell you that you would see God’s glory if you believe?”  And see God’s glory they did!  Lazarus was raised from the dead and was perfectly whole again.

Let’s back up a bit and look at something.  How would this story have changed had Martha really been in tune with what Jesus was telling her to begin with?  What if she had truly grasped on to His promise the first time He told her?  How would that have changed things?  Well, Jesus still would have raised Lazarus from the dead.  That would not have changed.  The changes, I believe, would all have been for Mary and Martha.  If they had listened and understood Jesus’ original promise, it would have saved them a lot of grief and sadness.  Instead they would have experienced great joy and anticipation of what Jesus was about to do.  This would have required a GREAT deal of faith, but hadn’t Jesus proven He was able?  And if they were living in anticipation of what Jesus what was about to do wouldn’t they have run and told everyone they knew to come and watch?  Oh, what a missed opportunity! 

Now, let’s apply that to us today.  God has given us great and wonderful promises.  How often do we forget those and turn to fear and worry or grief and sadness?  Way too often!  At least I do!  It is part of our old nature.  But how different would our lives be if we kept His promises ever-present in our minds?  Our fear and grief would be replaced with anticipation and peace.  No, like Mary and Martha, we aren’t going to necessarily understand what God has in mind.  Just as I don't understand why my siblings had to suffer so and die so young, but we do know we serve a mighty, powerful, all-knowing God who loves us and has a plan for our lives – plans for good and not for disaster to give us hope for the future.  ^{Jeremiah 29:11} 

Hope for the future . . . did you catch that promise?   Every day there seems to be at least one new thing in the news that makes the future look darker and darker.  Every day new laws, social unrest, and criminal activity around us close in with fear and worry and defeat.  These are not from God, however.  He has promised us a future with a hope!  He knows what is going on – just like He did when Lazarus died.  He knows the struggles we experience, and it saddens Him just as Lazarus’ death did.    He understands our grief and our pain, but He does not want us to get stuck there!  He promises us a glorious outcome, and He has called us to look forward to it with great anticipation – to HIS plan in HIS timing and HIS will.  Does this take a GREAT deal of faith?  You bet it does!  But hasn’t He proven He’s able?  And what an awesome opportunity to point out the glory of God to those around us!

      

Lord, you know that life just gets to be overwhelming sometimes.  Sometimes it is hard to understand all the evil and deception  and selfishness and hatred that seems to monopolize every corner of our lives.  But, Lord, I claim your promises today that You have a plan for our hope,  I claim your promise today that You hold us in Your hand.  I claim your promise today that we are YOURS and nothing can touch us.  I praise You that, though we walk through valleys, You go with us.  May our eyes always stay on You with anticipation for the future.  Please ease our pain and fear and replace them with joy and peace that can only come from knowing that You are in control!  May the world see Your glory and know that You ARE the one and only true God!!

                                                Amen

Be Careful What You Pray For. . .

They told him, "Lord, come and see." Then Jesus wept. John 11:34b-35

     It has been said, and with good reason, be careful what you pray for because you just might get it. We have read over and over in our First 15 where Jesus promised that God does, indeed, hear our prayers and answer them. If ever I needed proof that this promise is true – and I don’t because I have vast personal experience – these past few weeks have been a very vivid and emotional reminder of their authenticity. If you have read very many of my previous entries, you know that I have been praying that God would open up my eyes and allow me to see others the way He sees them. I feel this will allow me to understand them and love them in a way I will never be able to through the limits of my own vision. Little did I know when I prayed this prayer just exactly where this journey would lead.  

     As you can already read between the lines and guess, God has answered my prayer, and I have, indeed, been seeing the people around me in deeper way – through His eyes of compassion. This has been a huge learning experience for me on so many levels. First, I was not ready for all the intense feelings I would experience. The waves of deep emotions that have engulfed me have left me drained and exhausted. My first reaction, of course, was to close my eyes to the pain and needs. This would help ease my grief and confusion and hopefully stop the spiritual warfare that had begun waging in my heart, but it would do nothing for the lost and hurting people I encountered everywhere I turned. Second, I have never felt so lost, alone, and completely inadequate. The needs were simply too massive for me to comprehend much less alleviate.

     During this time I found myself continually drawn to the story of Lazarus. Perhaps it was partly because Jesus experienced such a wide range of emotions in this passage. I believe it also had a lot to do with the truths found within these verses. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve read this story in the past couple of weeks, but the messages I’ve learned from it have been life-changing.

     First, I learned emotions are okay. Jesus experienced the full gamut during Lazarus’ death and resurrection. With all the emotions I had wrestling in my heart, I knew it was important that I pay close attention to how He dealt with His. First, He didn’t avoid His emotions, but met them head on in a controlled manner, not allowing what He was feeling to drive His actions. When He was frustrated, He didn’t lash out. When He was sad, He didn’t become so despondent He couldn’t fulfill God’s plan. Next, He didn’t keep His focus on His own reactions but on the situation around Him. Last, and probably most importantly, He took the situation to God in prayer. The result was life-changing for everyone involved! Lazarus was raised from the dead. The people witnessed an amazing miracle that pointed them to God. And God received great honor and praise.

     If closing my eyes was my first instinct, buckling under the weight of the emotional strain was my second reaction. After studying the story of Lazarus, however, I realized God was not calling me to “fix” everything. He was calling me to do what Jesus did when He became overwhelmed with grief - pray and trust God – so pray and trust I did. That was Sunday. Monday morning two women walked into my classroom and shared the most amazing news – news that sent a shiver down my spine and raised goose bumps on my arms. Their church has started a ministry in the area where I teach. They tirelessly reach out to these inner city families in a multitude of ways, and now they are starting a new ministry. This one will directly focus on the families I work with every day – the very people who I had been crying for, who I had been frustrated for, who I had been hurting for. I was speechless. I felt like I had just seen Lazarus rise and walk out of his tomb. What an awesome God we serve! He knows our needs. He knows our thoughts. He knows our future and has a plan. May I never see the world the same way again.

God, thank you for breaking my heart. It has not been a pleasant or easy journey, but the lessons I have learned have been life-changing and valuable. Please keep my eyes and my heart open to see the world as You do. Help me to always remember that feeling emotions is not a bad thing, but that I have to give them to You, deal with them as You would, and let the Holy Spirit guide me rather than my feelings. I praise You, Father. You are an awesome and wonderful God. Thank your for your love. Thank you for your provision. Thank you for your mercy and grace. May I always remember that You see the pain, You know the needs, and You have a plan. May I always remember to turn to You and trust You – even when I don’t understand  - especially when I don't understand - what is going on around me. May all honor and glory and praise be Yours forevermore, Amen. Amen.  Amen.