"AND LET US RUN WITH ENDURANCE THE RACE GOD HAS SET BEFORE US." Hebrews 12:3a

Some days I just feel like a frog in a frying pan...

There's a story that's been told about two frogs who fell into a vat of cream. These frogs knew they would soon die if they didn't keep paddling as fast as they could yet, try as they might, they could not jump out. It was not long before the first little frog became too tired to go on. He gave up, and, alas, he drowned in that vat of cream. The second frog persevered until he eventually churned that cream into butter. He was able to stand on top of the butter and hop out of the vat safe and sound - though very, very tired!

I remembered this little fable often during the time that my brother was sick. No matter how much pain he was in or how bleak the future looked, he kept leaning on God and fighting the good fight. When it took 3 1/2 years to receive his transplant - he kept fighting. When he developed complications from the transplant - he kept fighting. When he spent 9 months in the hospital away from his family and friends - he kept fighting. When his body literally petrified, leaving him paralyzed - he kept fighting. When he was in excruciating pain - he kept fighting.

It was not long before the mantra FROG - Fully Rely On God - began to have a deeper meaning to us. He was still leaning on God and fighting the good fight until God answered our prayers to heal him by taking him Home. That was eight years ago, but I still miss him dearly. And every time I see a frog, I think of him and feel challenged to Fully Rely On God - to fight the good fight - no matter what life throws my way. That's what this blog is about - the things God is teaching me and the tools He is giving me to walk that walk. Or should I say hop that hop - because sometimes life just feels like a great big frying pan!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

But, Lord, I Just Don't Understand!

Then he said, “Don’t be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer.” Daniel 10:12


     The question was posed in Life Connection not long ago about experiences we have had where we just had to trust God because we simply couldn’t understand why things were happening the way they were. (Life Connection is our church’s name for Sunday School, by the way.)
     Now, I have to admit the first thought in my mind was a wry chuckle and, “Are you kidding? Do you want to narrow that down to a particular decade?” I wasn’t trying to be flippant. I was just overwhelmed with all the examples flashing through my mind. Where would I start? With the long, slow, painful illness and death of my brother at a young age. But there is one in particular that I have been to – at least in part – see come full cycle so I can appreciate some of the blessings along with the pain.
     It was December, 1996, and Stephen and I went in for a routine doctor’s appointment during the sixth month of my second pregnancy. He was going to hear the heartbeat for the first time – only there wasn’t a heartbeat. On December 7, 1996 our Sara Elisabeth Kelley was stillborn. And, no, I didn’t – and don’t – understand why. And, yes, I cried and questioned and asked Him, “Why!?” especially when we found out we had lost a girl. There aren’t many girls in Stephen’s side of the family so we had expected to have a house full of boys. I had a daughter, but I wasn’t going to get to hold her or hear her laugh or raise her. I serve a loving God, but that just seemed too cruel to comprehend.
     God and I had some pretty intense conversations in the months after this. I pounded His chest in exasperation, and He held me while I cried. I ranted and raved, and He soothed me with words of comfort. I mourned until I fell exhausted and worn at His feet, so audacious I asked Him to give me twin daughters. Nothing would replace the one I had lost, and I accepted that He knew what was best, but my desire for more children – especially a daughter – was that strong. God didn’t have to honor such a request, but on December 10, 1987 Kandice Paige and Kourtney Donne were born hearty and healthy. AND then again on April 26, 1990 He blessed us with another daughter, Kayla Noel. God not only answered my heart’s cry, He blessed us above and beyond anything I imagined.
     When this question was posed in Life Connection, we were studying Daniel. He was certainly put in many situations he didn’t understand, but his actions indicate that he stayed focused on God and not his circumstances. He continued to follow God’s teachings and directions. He continued to turn to God in his confusion and frustration – even when he was in physical danger.
     There is so much going on in the world around us today that makes us feel insecure and vulnerable. Sometimes we feel we are in danger – some of us actually are! No matter what the circumstances, however, God is in complete control. He knows what is happening right now AND what is going to happen tomorrow and the day after that and next week and next year on into eternity. Even though we can’t see it, He knows how it all fits together. He loves us. He loves you. He loves me. He will never abandon us or leave us for the lions to devour. So, even though I cannot see the answers or the future, I can see Jesus. “I lift my eyes….my help comes from you.”

Lord, help me when I don’t understand. Your ways are not my ways and Your thoughts are not my thoughts. I may think I have all the answers, but I would make such a mess of everything if we did things the way I feel is best. Help me keep that in mind when life seems to be so confusing and frustrating. Help me when the world seems to be crashing down around me. Help me keep my eyes on You and not on my circumstances, fear and pain. Help me adjust my expectations to align with Your plan and not my own. Thank you for being there to put your loving arms around me, pick me up and carry me through the storms. Thank you for loving me.
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